Bury me with Pink Snow

Good afternoon all,

Last night marked a very important occasion; I got over my crowd anxiety and successfully enjoyed a gig for the first time in FOREVER.

It was my all time faves ‘The Cribs’ at Newcastle O2 Academy, and they were incredible. I didn’t doubt the ability of the Jarman brothers, I’ve seen them twice before and they blow me away every time. 

However, last time I saw them I was in a very different head space. Rather than enjoying the music, I spent the duration anxious and worried sick. Do I fit in? Am I good enough to be here? I can’t breathe etc.

Nearly two years later I approached the venue with a very different attitude and it allowed me to love every second.

In the time between then and now I’ve learnt (although I still have a way to go), that yes I DO deserve to be there. I’m no less deserving than any of the beautiful people I see in the crowd around me.

The best way for me personally to combat my anxiety is to take a deep breath and try not to get lost in a sea of negative thoughts. Concentrate on the present moment. 

I’ve also learnt that alcohol does sod all for my insecurities, last night I had a cracking time dancing away on tap water and I thoroughly intend to make a habit of it!

Anxiety in crowds can be horrendous, a crushing feeling often resulting in several panic attacks and disengagement from the musical splendour that surrounds you. 

For me, over the last 2/3 years, it had spoilt one of my greatest loves, live music. But now, thanks to being a more positive person and trying to generally give less of a f*ck, I’m back to being a member of that huge sweaty crowd singing at the top of my lungs, ears ringing and adrenaline pumping for hours after. 

I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Whatever demons you may be battling and confidence/anxiety issues you may have, just know it gets better. I already feel like a different person from when I was at my lowest, and even in the last 12 months I can’t believe how far I’ve came. Just remember to surround yourself with good people and to give yourself more credit for being you!

Em  x


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