Hello, this really is me posting under this title. For once, I’m not cradling a Guinness, blasting sub-par angsty music and wearing one of my now moth-struck leather jackets. Instead, I’m laying beneath a cloud of incense, draped in loose linen cloth, listening to the melodic delights of Enya.
To be honest, I’m not doing that either. I’m sat wearing a very average comfortable (for me) outfit, in Sonny’s Café, I’m two oat cappuccinos deep and procrastinating life admin by writing this post.
Though, I come here today to write with purpose.
For someone who has suffered badly with mental health in the past (particularly around the ages of 17 to 19 – to quote Ratty Healy, “I’m sorry if you’re living and you’re 17”), I’ve had a good couple of years by all accounts. My early twenties were relatively normal. Then, the likes of painting, cooking, talking to loved ones and taking pictures of myself in semi-ridiculous outfits carried me (relatively) smoothly through the pandemic.
In more recent times, I’ve RELISHED life returning to ‘normal’. I threw myself into life headfirst, arguably without the proper safety gear, and made a promise that I’d experience as much as possible.
I love people. Perhaps that’s why I could never fully commit to The Smiths. So, being able to dance, touch, cuddle and brush shoulders in crowds truly set my soul on fire again.
But I think I reached a sensory overload. Or, maybe it’s just old habits dying hard. My lack of self-esteem and need for validation (see lessons learned before 28; the lesson has not been employed) never really went away. I think I’ve just been good at locking these feelings away or pushing them down. However, as a chronic oversharer, these dark feelings started to eat away at me from the inside, and I’ve had a couple of breaking points.
Nothing crazy has happened. I haven’t been bed-bound. I’ve rarely cancelled plans. Yes there’s been tears, and confusion when the inability to produce tears has lingered for months. But, despite this ‘sadness’ or ‘difficult period’ being very real, it still feels manageable, and I definitely see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Rest assured, I’m taking steps to get there. In terms of professional help, I’ve referred myself to counselling services, I’ve been in the past but not for over 5 years (It’s free so worth a try). But on the daily, I’ve been implementing some small grounding practices (see, it’s all coming together now) to make me feel balanced, grateful and content. So I thought I’d share them (cos sharing is good).
Move your body
Can anyone else not hear the phrase ‘Move your body’ without thinking of this iconic duo?! Back to my point though, this does not have to be a high-intensity gym class. Believe me, I went to one once, nearly collapsed, felt self-conscious the entire time, then swore I’d never go again (I probably should, but all in good time my friends).
All I’m saying is MOVE.
For me, it could be anything from dancing round my kitchen singing into a wooden spoon (I used a glass bottle of balsamic vinegar once and you can all imagine how that ended), to a brisk walk around the block.
For the most hearty dose of mental and physical joy, I normally opt for yoga; ‘Yoga with Adriene’ of course.
Everyone knows that exercise is good for your physical health, but nowadays I try to use my mental health as the motivating force to get my arse into gear. I’ve spent too many years putting exercise in the “do this to get skinny” category, but really it’s about doing it in whatever form you enjoy most, then reaping all those brain benefits.
Play that funky music
The simple act of listening (or preferably screeching along) to something cheesy or upbeat puts me in that flow state of pure bliss, or at the very least, provides a welcome distraction.
I love a sad girl playlist; I’ve spent many a bus journey smudging my own mascara, staring longingly out of a rain-splattered window to the melancholic sounds of Lana Del Rey. But, if I’m genuinely feeling down, (we all have bad days, but I’m talking about when real anxiety/sadness rears its ugly head), I NEED bangers.
Upbeat tunes only. God help me, sometimes I even need the ‘This is Pitbull’ playlist on Spotify.
Give me a dirty bassline.
Give me a cowbell.
Blasting ‘Never gonna give you up’ might feel like the antithesis of ‘grounding’ but it doesn’t all need to be ‘crystals in the moonlight’ to bring you back to a state of contentment. Sometimes a ginger man in an ill-fitting suit is enough.
Touch something
Get your minds out the gutter.
Experiencing and becoming immersed in an object can be a great way to ground yourself. I find this one particularly useful when I’m experiencing disassociation.
Whether it’s going on a walk and letting your fingers graze on the leaves as you walk past, touching and smelling the flowers of a bouquet in your home, or placing your hands under a running tap. Whatever you choose to do, bring your full attention to how the object/sensation looks and feels.
These physical sensations can pull you out of the dark depths of your mind, or indeed your numbness to the world around you, and bring you back to the present moment.
It’s a simple act, but it can remind you of your aliveness, and the beauty in that.
Affirm yourself
On this one we are going full woo-woo my angels. Affirmations can feel very silly at first and I’d be lying if I said I did them regularly, but when I do, they always have some effect.
Affirmations: Declarations of self-worth and strength to overcome negative thinking and self-doubt, and drive positive change in your life.
These often take the shape of positively loaded statements. Writing them down in a journal, or indeed saying them out loud. There’s loads of great ones online if you need some inspiration or aren’t sure where to start.
For someone who suffers with low self-esteem these could be: “I am at peace with myself” “I am a valuable human being” or “I deserve to be happy”.
The general idea is that you say them out loud, normally alone (although, you could opt to write them down), and repeat them a few times like a mantra.
The very act of saying positive things about yourself out loud does most of the work. You may not believe what you’re saying, but the ritual of repeating them can help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts.
Go outside
Bed may feel safe and warm, but it can fast become a cesspit of self-doubt, shame and loneliness. I’ve been in places (mentally), where I have a wholly toxic relationship with my bed. We’re talking full co-dependency, where I’ve lacked the mental strength to leave it. If it was a boy, my friends would be telling me to dump him. Bed can be a place of isolation, blurring lines between day and night, where the darkest of thoughts lay heavy roots that are given the power to grow.
Going outside when you’re in a bad place can be incredibly difficult, but if you even have a garden or a yard that can be a small step in the right direction.
The simple act of standing bare foot in the grass is incredibly grounding, or if that feels a little too Hippie dippy, just go for a short walk and make sure to breathe in plenty fresh air.
Nature is overwhelming and enduringly beautiful, it reminds me what a tiny part of the planet I am, and that the fragility of life, is what holds most of its beauty. Nothing really matters, and in the same breath, we as individuals can mean infinite amounts to each other. That’s fucking amazing if you ask me.
Just gan outside, please.
I’ll stop here, but first I’ll recommend this Yoga With Adriene video on alternate nostril breathing cos why not.
I sincerely hope you are all doing well, and I’m sending so much love to anyone that is going through a dark season in their life. I promise that seasons always change, and you will be in bloom again soon.
Nothing is forever, feelings can be fleeting, thoughts aren’t facts, and everyone is worthy of love.
You’re gorgeous.
Love Em x
emilyrosejacko 
I lol a few times in this. You’re a fun writer 🙂
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