It’s my birthday on March 12th, so I thought it’d be a therapeutic and slightly narcissistic task to compile a list of 27 things I’ve learned before I cross over into official ‘late twenties’ territory. Here we gan.

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1. Validation is an addiction

It gives you that sweet first hit, but then once you start continually chasing the high, you are never fully satisfied. You always want more, but it never fills the void within you or addresses the root issue. Which, sorry to break to you my loves, can only be healed by yourself. I know, I wish there was a disgusting tasting ‘wellness shot’ with a guaranteed quick fix that sorted it out too, but there isn’t.

2. You can’t fix other people

You can certainly enrich someone’s life and make them feel loved and appreciated in the moment, or even long-term through unconditional love, but granting themselves that ‘source love’ of self-acceptance is the only way they can truly heal. As much as we can desperately try to fill that gaping hope with polyfilla shaped reassurance, cuddles and compliments, the cracks will always resurface.

3. Female friendships are golden.

Your girls are truly the loves of your life. If you’re reading this and you haven’t found your people yet, you will.

4. I still have no spatial awareness

Yes, I know that wall/desk/chair/lamppost is there, but I will walk into it. My legs will forever look like I’ve just been on a testosterone-fuelled paintballing stag do, and I’m alright with that. That’s what tights are for.

5. Writing is therapy

I’ve known this since I was a little girl, but it’s a fact that intermittently escapes my head over the years. Then I get in a flow again and think fuck, it really helps.

I used to write poems as a child, then in my late teens/early twenties journaling and this blog was a source of writing therapy. Other than the odd poem I took a break in my mid-twenties, but in the last year or two I’ve been a writing machine. Churning out songs, poems, sad girl monologues and happy gal haikus on mass production. Don’t get me wrong, most of the words that I’ve spewed onto paper or my notes app have been embarrassingly low quality, but with those it’s the writing process that brings the reward – not the product. As Grammy award-winning Miley Cyrus (or Joe McElderry tbf) would say, it’s the Climb.

6. If it’s above -2°, I’m getting an iced coffee

That is all.

7. I’ll never stop changing my hair colour

I went into 27 with a questionable gingery/blorange shade, I then went back to my usual golden blonde for a while, had a brief fling with pink (the colour, I didn’t orchestrate a one night stand when she came to the Stadium of Light), then a foray into warm brown, and I am now three months into 2024 looking like a knockoff Tim Burton character. Who knows what’s next? Maybe with 28 on the horizon it’ll be grey.

8. Music is medicine

Similar to writing is therapy at number 5, but I’ll just let this one speak for itself.

9. Watching Real Housewives is a slippery slope

You start with a gateway drug franchise, usually Beverly Hills, then you consume it all very quickly, slurping it up like it’s house prosecco at a bottomless brunch. Then, reluctantly, you decide to dip your toes in just one more, I went for New Jersey. Soon after you start wondering if conflict can really be resolved by flipping tables and pushing people into pools.

You finish your second franchise (usually there’s 10+ seasons of it), and swear that’s enough, especially now the new season of Beverly Hills is dropping weekly on Hayu (yes, you’ve subscribed). Then you start getting targeted with ‘funniest housewives of all time’ compilations by the tiktok algorithm, and like some fever dream you’re suddenly 12 seasons deep into New York and are humming ‘Money can’t buy you class‘ in your sleep.

Stop. Now. Don’t even start, or it’s already too late.

10. D minor is no longer my favourite guitar chord

I’m now a C# Minor girlie, I don’t know why.

11. The beach isn’t overrated

I grew up a 5m walk from the sea and completely took it for granted. I’m now about a 20 minute walk away (still extremely lucky to be so close) but I’m finally starting to appreciate its power and presence in my life.

You go Glen coco.

12. Community is everything / Sunlun forever

Moving back to Sunderland seemed like a strange decision to some, especially when I was leaving behind a more exciting and thriving city (let’s not forget Newcastle is still only 20m away) for the less glamorous sights (and at times smells) of Wearside. However, I am so proud to be from here and to live here.

Sunderland has some amazing small businesses and places that champion the city’s spirit and its incredible people and community – of which I’m very proud to feel a part of. A few honourable mentions go to: to my home from home ‘Pop Recs’, the lovely ‘Otto’, the best pub in Sunderland ‘The Ship Isis’ and the morning saviour ‘Cole’s Kitchen’ in Roker.

Yes, the fact the majority of these sell alcohol and food is a reflection of my hobbies.

13. Speaking a foreign language is class

I am by no means fluent (I’m actually lower intermediate according to an online proficiency test x), but I did study French up to AS level in sixth form, and have always ‘kept it up’ to some degree, but I have really amped it up this year.

I’ve listened to more French music (special thanks to this playlist), watched French films and am on a (humble brag) 153 day Duolingo streak. When I went to Paris in November it was an absolute thrill to put it into use, and in my next year round the sun I hope to get progressively better and maybe pick up another language along the way. Forever a student and all that.

14. I will never be able to find a pair of clean matching socks

It’s just impossible.

15. I don’t need to constantly fill the silence

Don’t get me wrong, I have by no means stopped doing this, but I recognise it’s an issue and I’m determined to try and get better at it.

16. The best things to spend your disposable income on are experiences

I’m talking travel, live music, theatre, day trips.

Alongside health, time is wealth so spend it wisely (types the girl who has just watched five tiktoks entitled ‘Gemma Collins most iconic moments’).

17. The words you say about yourself matter

Take it from a chronic self-deprecator. When I’m on a downward spiral, I find myself muttering in my head, or even out loud “everyone hates me” “I’m so fat/ugly/disgusting” on repeat. These things you say in your head, or speak into the universe, only send you further down the rabbit hole.

Yes, affirmations are cringey, and they can be a bit “woo woo”, but as far as I’m concerned hand me a rose quartz crystal and a pair of elephant print harem pants because if they help, THEY HELP.

Saying positive things about yourself out loud, or even in your head at first, can change the way you think about yourself. I love watching ‘The Purple Palace‘ YouTube channel for this reason; she often starts her videos up with some verbal affirmations you can repeat to get yourself hyped up for the day ahead and she also creates the most beautiful affirmation journals you can buy.

18. You can be 28 and still have a favourite colour

Mine’s red.

19. Don’t live your life by the co-star astrology app

Yes, it’s eerily accurate at times and it can be a lot of fun, but girrrrrllll it’ll have you hooked.

It’s certainly enabled, or at least influenced, a lot of poor choices I’ve made this year, especially that ‘do’ and ‘don’t’ section. Mine had me doing everything from ‘wear lipgloss’ to ‘make a 2 year plan’. Neither a good way to pass the time, and the former was on a windy day with my hair down and in full Hagrid mode, you can imagine the scenes.

That been said, I am a textbook Pisces and I will go down with that ship.

20. Bread is life

It really solves most of life’s problems. They don’t call it ‘breaking the bread’ for no reason huns.

21. Never be afraid to share

I’ve always been an oversharer in an emotional or ‘life things’ sense. I will quite comfortably announce (to anyone who will listen) if I’m on my period, what I had for tea last night and my top 5 favourite Jonas Brothers songs (Waffle House is a new addition). But what I’m referring to here specifically is sharing creative outputs. One of which has been singing/playing guitar for others to see. I’m far from super talented and I’m sure many people see me posting videos on my stories and think “for fucksake you are not Danielle Haim, no matter how hard you try” but it makes me happy and that should be enough.

22. Shop small and second-hand whenever you can

I’m already quite good at this (world-renowned chazza shop queen), but I’ve been consciously trying to employ this mantra more than for just my clothes; for gifts, food, toiletries and even just takeaway coffees.

Small business owners appreciate and need your sale 100000x more than a big corporations do.

Fuck Amazon (which ironically is what most of these big businesses are actually doing).

23. Driving is still my biggest anxiety

I passed my test, laughably, 6 years ago. Yet, I’m scared to drive to the supermarket that is less than 5 minutes away. I’m more than happy getting public transport, but still it’s a ridiculous fear I’ve built up and I need to crush it ASAP.

24. Family is everything to me

I’m very lucky to have an incredible one, so I fully intend to show them my appreciation and make the most of quality time together.

25. I fucking love kimchi

I could sit and eat a whole jar right now. It’s class.

End of my Ted Talk.

26. This (below) is a list of indisputably perfect songs

It says ‘indisputable’, therefore you can’t argue with me on their status. They just are. Listen and love.

27. Age really is just a number

I know that by a lot of peoples standards. I am still relatively young, but I really do feel young.

I am daft, silly, energetic, excitable, hopeful, curious and free. To me, that is how it feels to be young.

Yes, I have days where I feel down, lost, confused, trapped and bored – but these things don’t make me who I am. They are feeling and thoughts; non-permanent things. In the deepest part of my psyche, I feel a weightless, silly and airy kind of freedom, and I hope to embrace that forever.

Youth is in spirit, not aesthetic.

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So here’s to turning 28 on Tuesday. I don’t plan on ‘celebrating’ in a traditional sense, it’s never really something I do for Birthdays. But writing this has felt like a celebration and exploration of self, so that’s fun.

I’ll probably just eat an enormous pizza and have a laugh, which sounds pretty fucking good to me.

Have a good’un everyone x