Most of us are guilty of spending countless nights awake and overthinking, thoughts racing through our heads overanalysing social situations and self-diagnosing our headaches to be fatal illnesses or simply fretting that the cellulite on the back of our thighs strongly resembles cottage cheese.
A recent trouble that has not only plagued my night-time stresses but also seeped into my daily life is loneliness. To feel darkness and isolation in a bustling and adventure-filled world.
Most of us encounter a degree of loneliness at a young age. That probably being the first time your parents leave you home alone; where you’re left missing the familiar sounds of chatter and footsteps and are instead struck with the imminent fear and feeling of being alone.
Loneliness can occur when you’re not physically alone. Surrounded by living breathing people, you can still feel the heavy draping curtains of darkness around you, not granting you entry to the sociable welcoming world that exists just outside your own head.
You can still feel love alongside loneliness.
Just because you have the worlds best support system, doesn’t make you immune from fleeting, if not long lasting, moments of isolation.
For me loneliness has been a recurring feeling of late, the shifting in my world from the freedom of the big city and lack of any real responsibility, to real-life adult shizz that also places me at a minimum of 30min train ride from the majority of my pals, and 2.5hours from my boyf.
The post-placement job hunt has been laborious and dementing, unemployment certainly isn’t fun! I can confirm (although most of us already know) that recent pop culture ‘glamorisation’ of unemployed life as plasma screens and relaxing free time is about as truthful as a column in The Sun (i.e. not very). It’s boring, lonely, and it makes you feel pretty damn useless.
I plan to tackle this loneliness head on, and not retreat back into my dreaded alter ego the SLB (self loathing bitch – trust me she’s a drag). I aim to start with the mundane; planning my days to make sure there are tasks to constantly complete in order to distract myself and channel my energy into something a little more positive and productive.
Secondly, I must question the very existence of this ‘loneliness’, and transform this time alone into everyone’s fave cliché; ‘me-time’. An opportunity to build or create any hobbies, read a book, listen to my favourite albums and enjoy the current excess (and perhaps luxury) of time alone. I’ll soon be wishing I have it back when I’m slaving away 9 to 5!