An incredibly belated Happy New Year from me to you and yours. I hope this year is treating you kindly so far. To sound like much of the disgruntled small talk that echoes up and down offices as each month ends; “isn’t it flying?” Every year it indeed flies by, and every year I’m flabbergasted by February’s fleeting appearance, but there is hope in the days slowly lengthening once again.
I’m a spring baby, despite the appearance of snow on my actual Birth date, so I suppose I’ve always loved a transitional season. Spring and Autumn are my ‘blooming seasons;’ they’re like the exciting run-up to a special occasion that often beat the big day itself. Nature is waking up, actual sunlight is making occasional appearances and the whole world feels like it’s coming out of hibernation. If this time of year was a colour palette, it would be a warm pink sunset, doused with strokes of amber and pale yellows. Delicious.
As I mentioned, my Birthday arrives in the infancy of Spring, when apart from Easter, it can be an often underwhelming time of year. I very rarely celebrate my Birthday to be honest. Aside from a meal with close loved ones, I generally do nothing. I haven’t celebrated it with friends since I was 20, which considering I turn 29 this year, is a bit sad.
I didn’t even do anything for my 21st. I’m sure I’ll unpack this in some kind of counselling scenario one day, but there must be some kind of fear around ‘not deserving it’ or worrying no one will show up/being scared to invite people. Ironically, I’m far from shy (which anyone who knows me will validate) and I have no problem being the centre of attention in a group conversation, or even under the spotlight in a karaoke bar. But having a party/drinks/celebration all about me? It races my heart just thinking about it. That being said, I am having a 30th party. I’m forcing myself.
Nonetheless, this year is just 29 and a seemingly celebration-less one, so instead I’ve decided to celebrate alone by embarking on my first ever solo trip abroad (or anywhere overnight). I’m going to take myself away for two nights, which I’ll document and share more about when I’m back. I’ve also chosen to conform to a listlovers cliché; I’m going to start a thirty under thirty bucket list. Sod it.
I’ve been much braver in my mid-to-late twenties than I ever have before, doing things that would terrify (and simultaneously delight) teenage Em, so I want to keep this ‘say yes’ attitude and tick off a whole other bunch of stuff (big and small, most free or cheap cos I ain’t made of money) before I turn the big 3-0.
My challenge begins as soon as I turn 29, and I can add to the list throughout the year as it turns out thinking of 30 things is a bit difficult. But here’s a dozen or so to start…
1. Embark on a solo trip abroad
This is already booked, so fingers crossed it should happen!
2. Go Surfing
This one seems a bit random, but it’s one of those things I’ve just always fancied trying but talked myself out of (solely due to lack of body confidence making being in a skin-tight wetsuit a horrific concept), but life’s too fucking short so we are gonna do it.
3. Release music
For the first time, this one actually feels within reach. I’m very lucky to be a part of a new band, with two incredible women and we are working on something special.
4. Go wild swimming
Similar to the surfing one, I’m not at all bothered by the cold, it’s actually the fear of baring skin or my body shape has made this near-impossible, but this year I’m doing it. I’m a Pisces after all.
5. Read a book in French
I did French in School and loved it, I’ve tried to keep it up as an adult by dabbling with Duolingo and religiously listening to my Spotify French Music Mix on the metro. But, I want to take it one step further by reading a book in French (and Google translating as little as possible).
6. Go to a Yoga Class
Another fear I have is group exercise. I went to a gym class once and cried after. I’d much rather be in my own little zone and pretend no one can see how red I am or hear my Maria Sharapova level grunting (they definitely can). However, I love yoga and have always loved the idea of going to a yoga studio, but I think maybe a yin-style sleepy yoga might be a good introductory session before I attempt any hot-pod sweat fests.
7. Run 10k
A boring one, but it would be a good milestone to aim for considering I never quite made it to the last week of Couch to 5k no matter who many times I queued She Wolf on my run playlist.
8. Do some volunteering
I need to help people more, this year I want to carve out dedicated time for this and support a cause I care about.
9. Play a gig
Similar to the music release, I’ve always wanted to play live for an audience. I’m a karaoke-lover and mic-hogger but god knows what I’ll be like when/if this actually happens. Either way, I want to do it, so I will.
10. Go to an art class
I love any kind of creative pursuit, but as someone who doesn’t really like following instructions and can often lack patience in that sphere, I avoid things like this (you should see my Bob Ross ‘paint and sip’ creation – a mountain landscape turned into an anarchist poster piece). However, I would really like to try an art class without a strict outcome/rules to follow, so maybe a life drawing class or something like that.
11. Go to a music festival I’ve never attended before
I came to music festivals a lot later in my life that I would’ve liked to. Growing up I was desperate to go, wear some laddered tights, listen to my favourite bands and have my Skins/coming-of-age style moment. But I ended up attending my first one, in hindsight at a still very young age, of 23. I’ve been to 4 since but want to keep that going and growing and attend more festivals of a different genre, and some abroad if I can. This year I already have Kendal Calling pencilled in, and alongside *praying for a Glasto ticket* I would love to attend another (or more)!
12. Be more celebratory
I actually saw this one on a reddit feed (where I went looking for list inspiration, when all Google was giving me was the classic ‘sky dive’ ‘bungee jump’ bucket list entries), and it felt fitting to what I wrote above about never celebrating my Birthday. It mentioned ‘calling to congratulate or take friends out for their birthdays, celebrate every new job, and graduation, and anniversary’ which I thought is a lovely way to just celebrate life more. I am definitely someone who does love the little things, and doesn’t get swept up in the ‘grind’ of constantly chasing the next goal, but I would also say that I don’t give myself permission to celebrate either.
I’ll let yous know if/when I finish my list, and any I add to it along the way – as well as if I actually complete all of them. One thing you should know about me, is I’m a chronic list-maker but not always a list-finisher. I don’t punish myself for this, because I acknowledge that life sometimes gets in the way. But making the list feels like setting a positive intention, and completing any of them be something to be proud of, and that’s all good with me.
Hope you’re all well,
Em x
emilyrosejacko 