The seasons are changing faster than I reach for another box of casting crème gloss to slap on my mop (pretty often). And as cliché as it sounds, time really does seem to go faster as you get older. Personally, I think it’s tied in the monotony of the daily grind, unless you change jobs each year, the markers that provide such pivotal milestones in your childhood and adolescence fade away, and the months largely carry the same routines and expectations.
Wake up, go to work, come home, eat, sleep.
Not to sound depressing though; there’s the obvious joys of adulthood sprinkled in a few times a week for good measure. But largely, life feels samey. There’s no Christmas assemblies, Easter breaks, September shopping for new uniforms, or even those long Netflix and Glen’s vodka fueled University summers. It all blurs, except for the skin on your face, those fine lines seem to appear almost overnight.
The Summer of 2024 draws to a close very soon. Although, the temperature and dwindling hours of daylight would point to an end having already occurred, but I’m not mad about it. I’m definitely an Autumn/Winter gal; give me gig season, coats, Guinness by a pub fireplace, gravy and crisp mornings any day of the week. But this Summer has been an important one.
I’ve learnt a lot about myself, and through not doing very much (in terms of creative, personal or even physical *don’t think I’ll ever make 5″10* growth), I’ve realised what I do want to achieve in the coming months.
Sometimes, you need the space of doing nothing, to work out what you actually want.
Let me bore you all on the subject for a little while.
You can only get shit done, if you have clear intentions.
“I want to do more exercise.” “I want to learn French.” “I need to play my guitar more.” “I’m going to put more effort into my friendships.”
These end up being empty statements rather than goals. You need to get specific in your goal-setting, and do a bit of planning work. Not only does it give you clear steps to take to get to the finish line, they also help you visualise the journey too and makes things feel less overwhelming. As the saying goes, you can only eat an elephant one bite at a time. Rather than the dreaded, “I want to do this, but however do I get there??”, you can see the action needed to get closer to your destination.
For example, instead of “I want to exercise more”, I think “I feel better about myself mentally and physically when I exercise, so I’ll use this to motivate myself when I visit the gym/workout three times a week”. And that three times a week becomes a non-negotiable goal, rather than a foggy promise to myself I’ll move more.
Spend time with people who make you feel like you can be yourself.
When there’s a vibe, there’s a vibe. Nothing feels better than being around people who get you, and that make it feel effortless. Admitted, I am an extrovert anyway (I’m a textbook ENFP) and through that, I get my energy from being around others, but that doesn’t mean I don’t find some social interactions draining. Prioritise the people who make you feel alive and energised, not those who leave you bleary-eyed and questioning yourself.
Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone.
You can say no.
On the subject of socialising, let’s go in on this one. The enemy of the chronic people pleaser…turning people down. Especially after Covid, I felt like I had to grab life by the horns and show up for everything and everyone. That’s not possible, unless you fancy becoming a shell of a person (also wouldn’t recommend, it feels empty, and a bit weird).
For the first time in a long time, I’ve said no. And guess what, the world kept spinning. No one was angry at me. The five minutes of FOMO didn’t outweigh the strength in my decision. It was okay.
Of course there’s a difference between saying no out of self-isolation and genuinely needing a breather. But recognising the difference between these things is part of getting to know yourself better and honouring your wants and needs.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
I think I’ve got a whole post dedicated to this from about 7 years ago, which proves I didn’t stick to my own advice (and I’ll likely continue not to). But, intention is a start. So, once again I’ll say/type these words in hope they stick; no good comes from comparing yourself to other people. There will always be someone better looking, cleverer, funnier (probs not tbf) or more talented than you. It’s a fact of life. But in the same breath, we are all the same.
One thing you can’t compare is your individual essence, your ‘vibe’ or insert other hippie dippy word of choice. That cannot be recreated as it curated from all elements of your personality, physicality and often, environment. That is what attracts people to you, and ultimately what makes them stick around. So take pride and power in it, and let the confidence in your own essence be what carries your head high when walking down the street (and this is coming from someone with such bad posture, I wouldn’t look out of place ringing the bells of Notre Dame). Everyone has their own thing going on, and that does not diminish you or your presence.
Thank you for coming to yet another one of my short, and unreliable (first post since March, oops) Ted Talks.
Hope anyone reading this is doing well.
I’ve made a little playlist to welcome the autumnal vibes too, just in case you accuse me of not giving you anything. I also post much more regularly on le gram.
Em x
emilyrosejacko 