I’m back people, like Shangela popping out that box I’m here and prepared to give this thing my all!
My motivation is back primarily as a result of a big surge in free time since leaving my full time job and starting a Masters Degree, all of which leads me to todays topic…
Rejection. It stings hard, and its a feeling I am all too acquainted with.
From teenage romantic rejections, where rather than a “you look gorgeous”, I was often met with comments like “you look like a vampire” “You belong in a Tim Burton Film”. To the seeming armageddon when I was rejected from my dream (well I convinced myself it was) university course at Uni of Leeds on results day 2014. A few standouts among a probable museum of many other examples. Rejection has often surrounded me, most likely as a result of my own self doubt and casting myself off as an outsider.
However, as shit as this all may have seemed in the moment, all the knockdowns eventually led to good.
Everything happens for a reason and all that.
But seriously, rejection has always came along to lead me onto another path that has led to a host of great things. If it’s not meant to be, find a new way. Life will probably do it for you half the time!
When it comes to practising what I’ve literally just preached, I thought that after being accustomed to rejection I’d transformed my view on the feeling, and that I could handle it- being the zen creature I clearly thought I was.
However, when rejection greeted me like an old friend earlier this summer, I was more than a little overwhelmed. I felt devalued and helpless.
To give this a little context, I had applied to do a creative writing MA at Newcastle University back in July. I was rejected after really getting my hopes up and subsequently, I felt crushed.
Instantly those pesky deviant thoughts raced around my brain, repeating over and over “You’re not good enough, you have no talent” and I started to believe them.
I was overwhelmed and overcome with a huge bout of emotional energy which for days I used solely to sob uncontrollably to ‘Born to Die: Paradise Edition’ and eat Doritos.
Eventually, I managed to get a grip and remembered something that a self-loathing Em often tries her best to forget; moping gets you nowhere.
My best bet was to transform all this excess feeling into something positive, to use it to create a new opportunity for myself.
A masters was what I wanted to do, so I was to make bloody sure I’d do one!
I got to work scrolling through prospects like no tomorrow and eventually came across the Media and Journalism MA at Newcastle University and Voila. Here I am .
For a little added ego boost, Leeds uni later accepted me onto their Creative Writing MA but I’d already set up life in Newcastle. It certainly gave A level results day me a little boost (okay, a big one) and felt like a helping of good karma. But, in the words of sultry songstress and noughties icon Jojo; “too little, too late.”
Basically, the message I’m bringing today, because you all know I like to go full Bishop Curry from time to time, is that rejection doesn’t devalue you.
It shouldn’t change your opinion of yourself. It can be incredibly easy to use it for ammo in a self-hate session, but instead you should use that influx of emotion as drive and channel it into something worthwhile. Pizza also helps.
ROLLING STONES TOP- VINTAGE VIA DEPOP // JEANS- BERSHKA // SUNGLASSES- POP BOUTIQUE